Text Messages
by ComicRoute
Summary: Text messages between members of the 'superhero club' aren't always about superhero-ing. Includes mostly conversations between Young Justice, but League members are featured as well. Humorous.
1. Chapter 1

It was the modern age. An age of new devices. An age run by technology. The members of the Young Justice and Justice League needed some way for communication, and video wasn't always the most convenient - particularly for those with secret IDs. Therefore, what made more sense than having text communication? Sadly, not all communications through text messages were actually for League purposes.

Such as:

* * *

****Barry Allen: T****hat mission failed. You fight like my grandma

****Oliver Queen: ****You fought your grandma?

* * *

****Barry Allen: ****GET TO STAR LABS

****Wally West: ****WHY

****Barry Allen: ****CODE NINE BAD COOKING MUST HAVE EXCUSE

****Wally West: ****ALL SYSTEMS SHUT DOWN: CODE NINE ACTIVATED

* * *

****Unknown:**** Hello, Kid Flash.

****Wally West: ****Who is this?

****Unknown: ****Someone who knows the secret identities of everyone in the League.

****Wally West: ****Including Batman?

****Unknown: ****Yes.

****Wally West: ****Hey, Rob, mind bringing over some of Al's cookies?

****Unknown: ****WHAT IF I WAS RA'S AL GHUL

****Unknown: ****AND HE USED ALL OF OUR IDENTITIES AGAINST US

****Unknown: ****THE FATE OF THE WORLD IS IN YOUR HANDS AND YOU ASK FOR COOKIES

****Definitely Rob:**** ...

****Definitely Rob: ****Is Batman really that scary?

* * *

****Robin: ****I like to think of myself as a natural disaster. Naturally, if you piss me off, there will be a disaster.

****Wally West: ****Bad hair day?

****Robin: ****The gel won't work, dude. Not even the gel works.

* * *

****Wally West: ****HOW DO YOU GET RID OF GOLDFISH

****Kaldur'ahm: ****You release them into the ocean. Why?

****Wally West: ****I BOUGHT THEM FOR SCIENCE BUT THEY LIVE TOO LONG

* * *

****Wally West: ****Okay, I need to go now. I MUST PROCEED TO THE LOVELY COMFORTS OF BED.

****Robin: ****HAVE FUN

****Wally West: ****BUT-BUT. 'TIS SIMPLY WILL NOT BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU HERE.

****Robin: ****I'll be there in five minutes.

* * *

****Robin: ****Wally and Artemis sitting in a tree

****Wally West: ****no

****Robin: ****K-I-S-S-I-N-G

****Wally West: ****stop right now

****Robin: ****first comes love, then comes marriage

****Wally West:**** I will hurt you

****Robin: ****then comes an abrupt and tragic miscarriage

****Wally West: ****WHAT

****Robin: ****then there's two hearts beyond repair

****Wally West: ****you know what I didn't have a crush on her anyway

****Robin: ****Artemis leaves Wally and takes the tree

****Robin: ****D-I-V-O-R-C-E

* * *

****Wally West: ****I hit Dora with a pan and called it Pandora.

****Zatanna Zatara: ****Why are you texting me?

* * *

****Wally West: ****Where are you?

****Robin: ****Batcave, why?

****Wally West: ****Don't you mean mixing virgin's blood with some other things that you were preparing for your ritual to please the dark lord?

****Robin: ****Sounds about right.

* * *

****Robin: ****Rugby is like...

****Robin: ****like American football, but for Britain, and way more violent

****Robin: ****and less rules

****Wally West: ****so like Artemis

* * *

****Wally West: ****NEAAAARRRR FAAAAARRRR

****Wally West: ****whereEVVVEEERRR YOU AARREEE

****Roy Harper:**** I will find you

****Roy Harper: ****and I will hurt you

* * *

****Robin: ****/slaps back to Narnia

****Wally West: ****/face plants in the snow and awaits death

****Robin: ****/brushes hands /nods /walks off

****Wally West: ****/wails in the snow

****Wally West: ****/gets whisked away by Prince Charming and has you beheaded

****Robin: ****/Prince Charming ends up being Batman

****Wally West: ****DAMMIT

* * *

****Robin: ****This is a cool party you dragged us off to.

****Robin: ****With all these people getting frisky,

****Robin: ****I guess that means we have to...

****Roy Harper: ****NO

****Robin: ****play patty cake.

* * *

****Artemis Crock: ****Why are all the scary movies sexual?

****Zatanna Zatara:**** Because sex is scary.

* * *

But then again, who could expect anything less? Most of them were just human.

* * *

_**A/N: If any line breaks didn't appear, just pretend they're there. It's been doing that.**_

_**This was way too much fun to write. Way too much fun. Nearly every single one of these posts were directly taken from saved conversations between my friends and I, except some of the names changed (for example, Batman in the Narnia post was originally Obama).**_

_**I have about 26 more pages of ideas, too, so if this gets enough positive reviews I'll definitely work on it some more. I just needed a laugh today (and it completely worked).**_

_**I hope it cheered everyone up! Have a nice day. |D**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Batman: **Gotham. Illegal drug shipment to Metropolis at midnight through docks.

**Clark Kent: **Is the Batman asking an insignificant Boy Scout for help in stopping an itsy bitsy drug lord?

**Batman: **Stop talking in third person.

**Clark Kent: **He is. Batman is asking Superman for help.

**Clark Kent: **Clark Kent is perhaps the first person to hear Batman asking for help.

**Clark Kent: **His flashy outfit is not being reprimanded because Batman is in need of it.

**Clark Kent: **Superman is making his way to the Gotham docks.

**Clark Kent: **Superman can't find the infamous Batman.

**Clark Kent: **Okay, I'll stop.

**Clark Kent: **...

**Clark Kent: **Batman?

**Clark Kent: **Bruce?

* * *

**Dinah Lance: **Where's Roy?

**Oliver Queen: **Do I look like his father?

**Dinah Lance: **Yes, actually.

* * *

**Billy Batson: **OMG LOOK I HAVE A FOWN NOW

**Billy Batson: **i wonder if shazaaam works on txting

**Billy Batson: **SHAZAM

**Billy Batson: **SHAZZAAAAAAM

**Billy Batson: **its not working

**Billy Batson: **i accidentally read my txts out loud

**Billy Batson: **im in a mall

**Billy Batson: **aw now my fown is going to b take away

* * *

**Robin: **I lost you.

**Batman: **Use your communicator.

**Robin: **It fell out.

**Batman: **Robin, I'm in a burning building.

**Robin: **So am I. Your point?

* * *

**M'gann M'orzz: **Robin? Your shouts are hurting Conner's ears.

**M'gann M'orzz: **Oh my god, are you okay?

**M'gann M'orzz: **Is that Wally with you?

**M'gann M'orzz: **Are you two fighting?

**M'gann M'orzz: **I feel anguish.

**M'gann M'orzz: **Please answer.

**Robin: **I'm fine don't worry

**M'gann M'orzz: **What about Wally? Conner couldn't break down your room door. Are you two okay?

**Robin: **Wally is busy nursing his bruised pride

**M'gann M'orzz: **Why is his pride bruised? Please don't fight!

**Robin: **My ninja kicked his pirate's butt

* * *

**Wally West: **necrophiles are totally messed up oh my god this is horrible YOU DO NOT TAP CORPSES

**Robin: **yup, definitely getting cremated

* * *

**Roy Harper: **Batman isn't an acrobat, so where did you get your moves?

**Robin: **Craigslist

* * *

**Robin: **the romantic movies M'gann watches are way too cheesy

**Robin: **let us enjoy a long romantic walk along the beach with the sunset behind us

**Wally West: **I personally enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge

* * *

**Wally West: **KF's uniform brings all the girls to the yard

**Wally West: **they're like, mine's bigger than yours

* * *

**Clark Kent: **Happy New Years!

**Batman: **It isn't New Years in Gotham yet.

**Clark Kent: **Spoiler alert!

* * *

**Wally West: **did Superman ever wear a racism hat as a Boy Scout?

**Robin: **depends on his opinion

**Wally West: **RACCOON HAT FREAKING AUTOCORRECT

* * *

**Wally West: **What is love?

**Roy Harper: **The end of your freedom.

* * *

**Wally West: **brb for a sex

**Artemis Crock: **Wow. Your flirting skills must have improved. A lot.

**Wally West: **SEC I MEAN SEC

**Wally West: **wait, what is that supposed to mean?

* * *

**Robin: **I wasn't paying attention to the other conversations to be honest

**Wally West: **Me neither. I've got my eyes on one person

**Robin: **/eyebrow wiggle/ I know

**Wally West: **it's me

* * *

**Wally West: **so, I woke up in a closet today

**Wally West: **apparently Arty thought it was hilarious

**Robin: **on the bright side, you've discovered your sexuality

* * *

**Robin: **you locked me in the closet, didn't you?

**Artemis Crock: **Don't worry, KF's with you.

**Robin: **That is not comforting.

* * *

**Robin: **What's green and fuzzy and can kill if it falls out of a tree?

**M'gann M'orzz: **my uncle

**Robin: **a pool tabl- that's sad

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Where's Wally? I'm going to kill him.

**Robin: **What did he do this time?

**Artemis Crock: **He threw a green soldier down the front of my shirt and said his name was Clark. He said my 'pillows' would break his fall.

**Robin: **Lewis and Clark, Expedition #2.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **Why did the chicken cross the road?

**Wally West: **Why...?

**Zatanna Zatara: **To get to the gay guy's house.

**Wally West: **Uh. Okay.

**Zatanna Zatara: **Knock knock.

**Wally West: **Who's there?

**Zatanna Zatara: **The chicken.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **Robin said you have a girlfriend

**Barry Allen: **I want to meet her!

**Wally West: **Me too

* * *

**Robin: **What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

**Kaldur'ahm: **What?

**Robin: **Nothing, they just waved.

**Kaldur'ahm: **Oh.

**Robin: **Do you sea what I did there?

**Kaldur'ahm: **No.

**Robin: **Come on, I'm shore you did

**Kaldur'ahm: **Is your English alright, friend?

**Robin: **No, it's being a beach.

* * *

**Wally West: **How many girls do you think fall for my charms?

**Robin: **Look at the stars and count them. That's how much.

**Wally West: **it's day time

**Robin: **And Artemis stole Robin's phone.

* * *

**Wally West: **a mathlete? really?

**Robin: **what?

**Wally West: **Alfred let me in. Nice pictures you have on the walls. I bet I can beat you in any equation

**Robin: **you sure?

**Wally West: **completely.

**Robin: **if I have ten pancakes and you have twelve horses, how many Batmobiles can Batman make?

**Wally West: **...

**Robin: **none because you'll crash them into the horses

* * *

_**A/N: Favourite texts? Thoughts?**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Batman: **Where are you?

**Barry Allen: **at the watchtower why

**Batman: **You're a terrible liar.

**Barry Allen: **THIS IS A TEXT MESSAGE.

* * *

**Robin: **Hey man where are you SB just made the best ribs ever out on the beach

**Wally West: **I'M AT SCHOOL

**Robin: **oh yeah

**Wally West: **YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE

**Robin: **Yup. but they're really good.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Have you ever been to Atlantis?

**Wally West: **no. I can't breathe under water

**Artemis Crock: **You should go. I've heard it's awesome.

**Wally West: **I can't breathe under water.

**Artemis Crock: **I've heard it's awesome.

* * *

**Wally West: **if we switched bodies, what's the first thing you'd do?

**Robin: **streak

**Robin: **at your school

* * *

**Wally West: **What if there were countries named after the League?

**Wally West: **Batland would be scary. Flashia would be cool. Greenland would be...

**Connor Kent: **Cold.

**Wally West: **?

**Connor Kent: **Look at a map.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **What's next is that thongs will be shipped to China instead of the other way around.

**Batman: **Good for you.

**Barry Allen: **THINGS NO THINGSSS I'M GOING TO GO HIDE NOW

* * *

**Wally West: **i canotsd tyupe righght nowaow sosdfno tireeedf

**Robin: **was that supposed to be another language?

**Robin: **don't try going to a foreign country.

* * *

**Robin: **You are the most beautiful of gems. I love you from the heart of my bottom.

**Wally West: **I like big hearts and I cannot lie

* * *

**Wally West: **I am quite knowledgeable in the ways of the feminine mind

**Roy Harper: **Are you admitting your femininity?

**Wally West: **Well, that backfired

* * *

**Robin: **I will pay you to hug Batman

**Wally West: **you can't sell my soul that easily

**Robin: **$1000

**Wally West: **soul sold

* * *

**M'gann M'orzz: **CAN WE GET A PUPPY? They're so cute!

**Robin: **Name it Will Smith.

**M'gann M'orzz: **Why?

**Robin: **It'll never age.

* * *

**Alfred Pennyworth: **I suggest you refrain from whatever it is you are about to do in pranking Mr. West and Miss. Crock.

**Robin: **But it's my job to make things complicated.

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Then become a lawyer.

* * *

**Wally West: **I have your friend's phone.

**Barry Allen: **Which friend?

**Wally West: **The one whose contact name these texts are listed under. I found it at the park.

**Barry Allen: **Oh!

**Wally West: **Can you tell them I have it, please?

**Barry Allen: **Sure.

**Barry Allen: **Hey Wally, some person has your phone.

**Barry Allen: **...

**Barry Allen: **Wait.

**Barry Allen: **Give me a second.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **Hey kiddo, what's up?

**Wally West: **Nothing much. Really tired. About to head to bed. You?

**Barry Allen: **In the club standing behind you.

* * *

**Oliver Queen: **You're late for the briefing.

**Barry Allen: **I'll be there in five minutes. If I'm not, read this again.

* * *

**Billy Batson: **hi!

**Billy Batson: **hi!

**Billy Batson: **y does no 1 answer my txts

**Billy Batson: **y does no 1 answer my txts

**Billy Batson: **is my fown gliching

**Billy Batson: **is my fown gliching

**Billy Batson: **robin says i been spelling fown wrong its phone

**Billy Batson: **robin says i been spelling fown wrong its phone

**Billy Batson: **he says i also been spelling gliching wrong its glitching

**Billy Batson: **he says i also been spelling gliching wrong its glitching

**Billy Batson: **he also says im txting myself

**Billy Batson: **he also says im txting myself

**Billy Batson: **i should stop

**Billy Batson: **i should stop

* * *

**Robin: **Let me drive the Batmobile.

**Batman: **No.

**Robin: **Why not?

**Batman: **Why yes?

**Batman: **Where did you put it?

**Batman: **Robin?

**Batman: **No patrol for a month.

**Robin: **Why is a missing Batmobile instantly my fault?

**Batman: **Who else would it be?

**Robin: **The ghosts of Christmas.

**Batman: **And why is that?

**Robin: **They have come to warn you of your ways.

**Robin: **Bah humbug.

* * *

**Robin: **Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?

**Robin: **You stole the cookies from the cookie jar.

**Batman: **It's my cookie jar.

**Robin: **You're a cookie monster.

* * *

**Wally West: **Lets go fight crime

**Wally West: **in my FREAKING PATRIOTIC SPANDEX

**Robin: **The spandex isn't new, but why red white and blue?

**Wally West: **because I ditched you guys and joined a team of billionaires, a very angry man with super strength, a violent woman, and one of those people is green

**Robin: **Again, your spandex wasn't patriotic before. What changed?

* * *

**Robin: **Apparently, someone tried to auction their soul on eBay in 2001.

**Artemis Crock: **Did Wally meet first meet Batman in 2001 by any chance?

* * *

**Wally West: **Maybe I should get a job

**Robin: **Do you have any special talents?

**Wally West: **I can cook minute rice in 58 seconds

**Robin: **You're hired

* * *

_**A/N: I am totally having a blast reading your reviews, haha! You're making me not want to stop writing these. Maybe I'll keep it going for a while yet.**_

_**Favourite texts? Thoughts? Reviews?**_

_**See you next chapter!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Warning: Some texts might possibly be slightly offensive to sensitive people.**_

* * *

**Wally West: **you at school?

**Robin: **no. Mountain, talking to Artemis

**Wally West: **Hey baby how you doing? I hope you're feeling okay after last night. It looked pretty rough

**Robin: **...what

**Wally West: **is she reading the text?

**Robin: **I FREAKING HATE YOU

* * *

**Wally West: **if I punch myself and it hurts, what am I? Weak or strong?

**Artemis Crock: **Masochistic.

* * *

**Batman: **Nice "Do Not Disturb" sign.

**Robin: **can't talk vid game w wall

**Batman: **You should take a break. Come downstairs.

**Robin: **1 sec

**Batman: **Do you want hot chocolate?

**Robin: **yes plz

**Batman: **It's downstairs.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **I'm really feeling up to pranking one of the boys today.

**Artemis Crock: **Tell Wally that Batman knows his secret.

**Zatanna Zatara: **I did.

**Artemis Crock: **What did he do?

**Zatanna Zatara: **Squealed and ran out of the mountain. What was his secret?

**Artemis Crock: **No idea.

* * *

**Robin: **Are you the world's greatest detective?

**Batman: **Most people think so.

**Robin: **Am I your partner?

**Batman: **Last time I checked, yes.

**Robin: **I see Commissioner Gordon consults your advice a lot.

**Robin: **Are you the world's only consulting detective?

**Robin: **Are you British like Alfred, but you changed your accent to fit in better?

**Robin: **You can't ignore me forever, Mr. Holmes.

**Robin: **BANNING BBC FROM THE TV WILL DO NOTHING.

* * *

**Robin: **HAH

**Robin: **HAHAHAHAA

**Wally West: **what?

**Robin: **"HOW DO I GET GIRLS TO LIKE ME"

**Wally West: **STOP LOOKING AT MY SEARCH HISTORY

* * *

**Robin: **Hey, M'gann! c:

**M'gann M'orzz: **Robin?

**Robin: **Yup! Do you think you could search Richard Grayson up on Google and tell me if he's attractive?

**M'gann M'orzz: **Okay!

**M'gann M'orzz: **Wow, definitely. He'd look even better with his hair down. He's so cute!

**Robin: **I know right? Can you show Wally this conversation now?

**M'gann M'orzz: **Sure!

* * *

**Wally West: **it's because you're rich

* * *

**Batman: **Did you look through the case?

**Robin: **I WILL CRACK THIS CASE IF MY NAME ISN'T JOHN WATSON.

**Batman: **It isn't. Go to sleep.

* * *

**Robin: **I saw you in the street today

**Artemis Crock: **I would have noticed a kid in spandex running around in daylight.

**Robin: **Never said I was in spandex

**Artemis Crock: **…

**Robin: **So close, yet so far

**Artemis Crock: **Shut up.

* * *

**Wally West: **can you teach me how to be 'magical?'

**Zatanna Zatara: **In the way that you're referring? Not possible.

* * *

**Wally West: **can you teach me how to be flexible?

**Robin: **I'll break you

**Wally West: **as if

* * *

**Wally West: **Robin broke me

**Artemis Crock: **Your heart?

**Wally West: **my hamstring

* * *

**Wally West: **what is up with all these homosexuality rants? cannibalism is a sin, too, but you don't see extremists sprinkling them with holy water

**Robin: **I actually don't know if cannibalism is a specifically written sin. They probably weren't thinking about eating people when they wrote the bible

**Wally West: **well, I just made it a sin

**Robin: **"And thy shan't consume thy neighbours."

**Wally West: **it makes sense!

**Robin: **following that logic, I now declare that gingers are also sins

**Robin: **better run, evil satanist

* * *

**Wally West: **if you're a gypsy, are you supposed to wear rainbows and headbands?

**Robin: **Wally, those are hippies

* * *

**Wally West: **would weed destroy SB's brain cells?

**Robin: **believe it or not, I don't know how aliens get high

**Robin: **shocker, I know

* * *

**Wally West: **I think there's someone in my house

**Artemis Crock: **I had that problem, too.

**Artemis Crock: **Then my mother got a job.

* * *

**Wally West: **one can never be too sure of the intelligence of people outside of our circle

**Artemis Crock: **One can never be too sure of the intelligence of people inside of your circle.

* * *

**Wally West: **I wonder how long it takes until Deathstroke realises that he can't get an apprentice

**Robin: **How do you train a psychopath, anyway?

**Robin: **"Hello class. Today, we'll be learning how to not feel guilt when annihilating human lives. Please turn to page 52 in Mein Kampf."

* * *

**Robin: **Is Alfred Mrs. Hudson?

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Wrong number again, Master Richard.

**Alfred Pennyworth: **And last he checked, he wasn't a woman.

* * *

**Robin: **Did fashion designers run out of ideas or something? I just passed an entire section of a clothing store dedicated to triangle patterned underwear

**Wally West: **ILLUMINAUGHTY CONFIRMED

* * *

_**A/N: To clarify a bit (after reading reviews), I won't be doing all of the Justice League. Reason? I pretty much know nothing about 90% of them.**_

_**I added some more Batman/Robin because most people seemed to like that (and I liked writing it). I seriously could not resist adding a little bit of Sherlock references, though, after noticing the similarities between Sherlock and Batman. I tried to keep away from the inside jokes as much as possible!**_

_**But the reason this is shorter and took longer is because I'm running out of ideas. I might write one more chapter and be done with it. If you have any ideas, please please put them in your reviews!**_

_**Favourite texts? Thoughts? Reviews? (It's so useful seeing what you guys like, by the way. Thank you!)**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Quick announcement! If you like my writing, go ahead and check out the poll on my profile about which genres of stories I should write more often. It'll be controlling what I write for a while yet.**_

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **It's super sad how Bruce Wayne has to be such an airhead.

**Robin: **What?

**Artemis Crock: **Wrong number, that was meant for Zatanna. Bye.

**Robin: **Wait, wait, why is it sad?

**Artemis Crock: **Well, he's pretty good looking, and he totally throws that to waste by being a complete idiot. I guess all the girls he gets don't seem to mind, though.

**Robin: **LOL don't you think he's a little old for you?

**Artemis Crock: **Did I ever say I wanted to date him?

**Artemis Crock: **His ward, Richard, is a bit younger than me and he's attractive, too. Complete opposite. Super smart. To the point of super nerd. But he's probably spoiled.

**Artemis Crock: **Robin?

* * *

**Robin: **hold up, sending you a screenshot

**Wally West: **screenshot?

**Robin: **conversation Arty and I just had

**Robin: **did you get it?

**Wally West: **…

**Wally West: **TWO GIRLS. NOT FAIR

**Wally West: **YOU'RE 13

**Wally West: **YOU DON'T EVEN TRY

* * *

**Robin: **You're laying the Brucie act on a bit thick.

**Robin: **Mr. I-got-stuck-in-the-toilet is starting to woo some pretty young teenagers all of the sudden.

**Batman: **Un-woo them.

* * *

**Unknown: **Meow :3

**Dick Grayson: **Hello?

**Unknown: **Hey, pretty birdy!

**Dick Grayson: **Who is this?

**Unknown: **Someone who knows all about your promiscuous nights. Such a bad boy.

**Dick Grayson: **I don't know what you're talking about.

**Unknown: **Puurrr

**Unknown: **Don't you know that kitties hunt birds?

**Dick Grayson: **They also hunt rats, which are diseased.

* * *

**Wally West: **so, I stole your phone today

**Wally West: **...

**Robin: **which one?

**Wally West: **Dick's

**Wally West: **You got texted by some hot chick who totally wanted to lay you

**Wally West: **if you weren't going to be up for takers, YOU HAVE A REALLY HOT BEST FRIEND TOO

**Robin: **Wally

**Robin: **that was Catwoman

**Robin: **Wally?

**Robin: **Cat got your tongue?

* * *

**Barry Allen: **Wally, we need to talk.

**Barry Allen: **I work in the team that gives your team missions. You aren't escaping that way.

**Wally West: **who said anything about escaping? I don't need to escape

**Barry Allen: **Are you going to explain your search history?

**Wally West: **why the hell is everyone going through my search history

**Wally West: **god dammit, I swear Rob was the one who searched up the elephants

**Wally West: **and the acne. He's going through puberty

**Barry Allen: **You have the visual cycle of a homosapien's reproductive system in action on your computer.

**Wally West: **...

**Wally West: **IT WAS THE HACKER

**Wally West: **I SWEAR TO GOD OH MY GOD NO HE PLANTED THAT ON MY COMPUTER

**Wally West: **WHY WOULD HE DO THAT

**Wally West: **IT'S A CONSPIRACY

**Wally West: **HE BETRAYED ME

* * *

**Barry Allen: **icant bretahe

**Batman: **Why?

**Barry Allen: **he totally fellll fo rrit ohh my god

* * *

**Connor Kent: **Why do people say 'my ass' when they don't believe things?

**Robin: **because their ass is so fat it's unbelievable

* * *

**Connor Kent: **Fetish = an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.

**Robin: **...good to know, SB

**Connor Kent: **It is. You might also like to know that red hair is not magical and that you don't need to worship it anymore.

* * *

**Robin: **STOP TELLING PEOPLE I HAVE A RED HAIR FETISH

**Wally West: **THEY'RE TOO INNOCENT, ANYWAY. THEY'LL NEVER KNOW.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **You should probably stop getting kidnapped.

**Robin: **you're the one to talk Miss. LETS-KIDNAP-EACH-OTHER-IT'LL-BE-FUN

* * *

**Robin: **Are you in the fridge?

**Wally West: **MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK FOR YOURSELF

**Robin: **Why are you in the fridge?

**Wally West: **Artemis thought I would FEEL AT HOME

**Wally West: **I feel COLD

**Wally West: **just like her HEART

* * *

**Robin: **Why are there so many villains with super-cold powers?

**Robin: **At this rate, you think they would've found absolute zero.

**Robin: **Did they freeze Walt Disney?

**Robin: **What if they froze Hitler?

**Robin: **Hitler has his hair parted. His hair part forms a triangle. There are three points on a triangle. ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED.

**Robin: **oh my god hitler = illuminati

**Robin: **Bats help I just figured out the true reason behind the Holocaust

**Robin: **It was supposed to distract us from the true conspiracies.

**Robin: **LEX LUTHOR

**Robin: **We've been wrong ALL THIS TIME

**Batman: **Lex Luthor is Superman's problem. Annoy him instead.

* * *

**Robin: **Why is vanilla ice cream white, but vanilla extract is brown?

**Robin: **Or is it black?

**Robin: **You and vanilla extract would be good friends, Bats-y.

**Robin: **I had a lot of sugar. Can Wally come over?

**Robin: **It's rude to ignore people.

* * *

**Dick Grayson: **HELLO MR. WAYNE

**Bruce Wayne: **hi Dick! how's school going?

**Dick Grayson: **Great! Can my best friend Waaaalllyyy come over?

**Dick Grayson: **Bruuuuce your date says I should have my friend over because you get to have her over

* * *

**Batman: **That was set up.

**Robin: **And it worked.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **WHAT DID YOU PUT IN MY SHAMPOO?

**Wally West: **a change of style. You look good as a blue-head

**Barry Allen: **I am not a BLUEBERRY

**Wally West: **correction

**Wally West: **you're a bluebarry

* * *

**Connor Kent: **What's 'swag'?

**Robin:** the downfall of the human race, which I will allow to occur

**Connor Kent: **Shouldn't this be a mission, then?

* * *

**Robin: **"SWAG": THE MISSION

**Wally West: **quick, get off of whatever you're on before the Bat finds out

* * *

_**Hey! Okay, first off, your ideas helped soooo much, I love you all.**_

_**Second of all, I couldn't do some of the ideas for the following reasons (I'm so sorry!):**_

_**1\. I never watched season 2. I hated the idea of a new team and the fact that the old one grew up. I also don't like the thought of so many heroes (loses the function and characteristics of a close team). That also means I don't know ANYTHING about Rocket, nor do I really like her because I never got the time to connect to her character.**_

_**2\. I have never watched or read a single thing on or about Wonder Woman, so I can't really write her.**_

_**3\. I haven't watched a lot of shows to put in more references, though I would totally love to if it created amusement for you guys (that includes Doctor Who, sorry!)**_

_**4\. Eeep, it's really hard to write for Zatanna. I'm trying!**_

_**There was also a lot of personal amusement while writing this, for example:**_

_**I accidently typed Wally Allen at one point. Whoops.**_

_**I just typed Doctor Wh*re instead of Doctor Who. Ahahahaa...**_

_**Favourite texts? Thoughts? Reviews? See you next chapter, my duckies!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Robin: **Telemarketers are fun

**Wally West:** what did you do?

**Robin:** tell the truth

**Wally West: **what?

**Robin:** well, they called Mt. J and asked me if I wanted a free iPod

**Wally West: **what did you say?

**Robin:** I told them I didn't need one because my holocomp can hack into the CSI better than any iPod

**Robin: **they hung up

* * *

**Kaldur'ahm:** I do not agree with this method of fishing.

**Robin: **What?

**Kaldur'ahm: **This is an unfair advantage. They merely capture them in nets. It is unjust.

**Robin: **Oh. So what're you going to do about it?

**Kaldur'ahm:** I am a hero. I will save the fish from these awful nets.

**Robin:** Good luck.

* * *

**M'gann M'orzz: **Hey, Robin?

**Robin:** S'up?

**M'gann M'orzz:** Is that Aqualad on the TV?

**Robin: **I'm not near a TV, but probably, yeah.

**Robin:** Is he terrorising fishermen?

**M'gann M'orzz:** ...You could say that.

**Robin: **Yup. That's our fishboy.

* * *

**Wally West: **So, do you just have a phone built into your arm or something?

**Red Tornado: **How did you get this number?

**Wally West:** You didn't answer my question.

Error: This line is unavailable.

**Wally West:** ...what

Error: This line is unavailable.

**Wally West: **what did you DO

Error: This line is unavailable.

**Wally West: **did you just DESTROY YOUR PHONE

Error: This line is unavailable.

**Wally West:** I'M NOT A PRANK CALLER

Error: This line is unavailable.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **ekam siht enohp edolpxe

**Robin:** What?

**Zatanna Zatara:** won, esaelp

* * *

**Wally West:** WHAT THE HELL, Z

**Zatanna Zatara:** Huh?

**Wally West:** THIS IS ROBIN

**Wally West:** WHY DID MY PHONE EXPLODE

**Wally West:** MY MUSIC WAS ON THERE

**Zatanna Zatara:** I wanted to see if my spells worked when written.

**Zatanna Zatara:** On the bright side, find criminal phone numbers and we might be able to fight them more covertly.

* * *

**Robin: **I say you get Cookies 'n Cream icecream instead of Orange Sherbert.

**Artemis Crock:** ...Where are you.

**Artemis Crock**: Robin?

**Artemis Crock: **THERE IS NO ONE IN THIS AISLE.

**Robin:** Well, duh, not anymore. I was just shopping for some groceries that my family sent me out to buy when I saw you.

**Artemis Crock: **You live near here, don't you?

**Robin:** Maybe, maybe not.

**Artemis Crock: **Are you still in the store?

**Robin:** Maybe, maybe not.

**Artemis Crock:** UGH.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **I GOT IN TROUBLE WITH MY DAD.

**Robin:** I STILL CAN'T BREATHE THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. AHAHAH.

**Zatanna Zatara: **I never knew my powers worked over phone line!

**Robin:** Walmart should be honoured to be the target of your experimentations

**Zatanna Zatara: **But the cashier wasn't.

**Zatanna Zatara: **Floating money must be really scary.

**Robin:** WE PROBABLY CONVERTED THEM TO PAGANISM

**Robin:** WE SHOULD BE MISSIONARIES

* * *

**Wally West:** I love you, you love me

**Wally West:** We're one big happy family!

**Wally West:** With a great big hug and a pat-on-the-back from me to you

**Wally West:** Won't you say you love me, too?

**Barry Allen:** This lasagna is most definitely

**Barry Allen: **mine.

* * *

**Barry Allen:** Humpty-dumpty sat on a wall

**Barry Allen: **Humpty-dumpy had a great fall

**Barry Allen:** All the king's horses

**Barry Allen:** and all the king's men

**Barry Allen: **NEED TO FIND BARRY AND PUT HIM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN

**Batman:** You'll heal.

* * *

**Artemis Crock:** Why are ALL OF MY ARROWS PINK?

**Wally West: **We're learning about Greek mythology in English. Check your closet.

**Artemis Crock: **OH MY GOD.

**Wally West:** Sorry for forgetting the diaper. Welcome to the team, Cupid!

**Artemis Crock:** I AM GOING TO KILL YOU.

**Wally West: **Don't worry, at least you're not the Virgin.

**Wally West: **Oh, wait.

* * *

**Wally West:** I wonder how much popularity I'd get if I put Batman's phone number on FB...

**Robin: **Batman saw your text, by the way.

**Wally West: **SHIT SHIT SHIT

**Robin: **You might want to delete your FB.

* * *

**Dick Grayson:** Gosh, Bruce, you keep /smiling/.

**Dick Grayson:** You know, my /friends/ might say you're /two-faced/.

**Bruce Wayne:** Wow, you're just a real /joker/, aren't you?

**Bruce Wayne: **That sure worked in making you quiet.

* * *

**Bruce Wayne:** Dick's friend is coming over.

**Alfred Pennyworth:** I will go to the grocery store and buy the necessary equipment.

**Alfred Pennyworth:** This may be our biggest battle yet.

* * *

**Wally West: **I JUST CAUGHT A BULLET OH MY GOD

**Robin: **And no one saw you do it.

**Wally West:** SHUT UP

* * *

_**A/N: Another note!**_  
_**For Chalant/Dibs, I could go on a year long rant.**_  
_**I don't ship either. Hell, I barely know enough about Zatanna or Barbara to really have an opinion. So no, there will be no shipping of them with anyone, and if it's at all suggested, it's because the situation was easy to write - not because I prefer one over the other.**_  
_**The shipping war between those two I find ridiculous. Both are fun characters - it's kind of frightening how intense you guys can get.**_  
_**Also, there aren't any pairings in this at all! All flirting is just friendly fun.**_  
_**Finally, Barbara will NOT be in this because she isn't part of Young Justice (Season 1). Technically, Alfred directly isn't either, but Batman and Robin unintentionally need him too much for him not to be.**_  
_**(Hint: Your ideas are not going to be directly copy and pasted from the reviews! If you look carefully, I use things that I got inspired from reading what you say, rather than what you exactly say).**_

_**Again: PLEASE stop asking me for Chalant! Thank you!**_

_**I can't believe I just wrote this on the same document as my English final. Let me go erase that real quick.**_

_**Favourite texts? Thoughts? **_


	7. Chapter 7

**Wally West:** HIDE IT HURRY QUICK HIDE IT

**Robin: **Can't you just gesture or something? Texts have lag.

**Wally West: **QUUUUUICK

**Robin: **I'M TRYING STOP MAKING MY PHONE RING

**Wally West:** PUT IT ON SILENT

**Robin:** DO YOU WANT ME TO CHANGE YOUR GRADES OR DO YOU WANT ME TO SILENCE MY PHONE?

**Wally West: **THEN STOP TEXTING

**Wally West: **WHY AREN'T YOU TEXTING

**Wally West: **DID SOMETHING GO WRONG

**Wally West: **ROOOOBBBIIIIIN

**Robin: **Oh my god SHUT UP

**Robin: **Why am I even in your school office, anyway? I can do this from the Batcave.

**Wally West: **THEY MUST NEVER KNOW WHAT IF THEY CAN TRACK AN OUTSIDE SOURCE THEY'D KNOW IT WAS ME BUT IT WASN'T ME IT WAS YOU IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT

**Wally West: **SHIT SHIT SHIT I GOT CAUGHT BY CAMERAS

**Robin:** Dude, you've been caught freaking out by at /least/ twenty security cameras by now. I know, I've been watching them and laughing at you.

**Wally West:** NONONO THIS IS BAD

**Wally West: **I'M NEVER GETTING INTO COLLEGE

**Wally West:** MY LIFE IS RUINED

**Wally West:** I'M GOING TO WORK AT MCDONALDS WHEN I'M 50

**Robin:** ...

**Robin: **You've faced a league of supervillains and you're concerned about a grumpy principal somehow overcoming the best friend who can hack the JL.

**Wally West:** ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

**Robin:** If it makes you feel any better, McDonalds would fire you after you ate all their food.

**Robin: **WALLY

**Robin: **JESUS CHRIST COME BACK I NEED A RIDE HOME

* * *

**Wally West: **Robin

**Wally West: **Rooooobiiiin

**Wally West: **DICK

**Robin: **Hi, Wally! This is M'gann. c: I found Robin's phone on the couch. What's dick? Why are you calling Robin 'dick'?

**Wally West: **...

**Wally West: **it's a

**Wally West:** INSULT

**Wally West: **which you should never repeat

**Wally West: **ever

**Robin: **Oh! Okay! But why were you insulting Robin? :c Isn't that considered rude?

**Wally West: **hahahahahahahahaha

**Wally West:** juuust dooooon't worry about it! haahahaha

* * *

**Robin: **Dude, Wallman, are you coming to the mountain or not?

**Wally West: **WHY DON'T YOU EVER PUT A PASSWORD ON YOUR PHONE

**Wally West: **YOU ARE THE SECOND MOST PARANOID PERSON ON THE PLANET SHORT OF HAVING SCHIZOPHRENIA AND YOU DON'T HAVE A PASSWORD ON YOUR PHONE

**Robin: **Why?

**Wally West:** CHECK OUR TEXT HISTORY

**Robin: **HAHA YOU EVEN SUCK AT LYING DIGITALLY

**Robin: **must be a family thing

**Wally West: **This ISN'T FUNNY. Aren't you concerned about your ID being found out?!

**Robin: **Why do you think I have two phones?

**Robin: **Wow, you're slow.

* * *

**Wally West: **I need to practice German for a test coming up

**Connor Kent: **Stimmt. Wie gehts dir?

**Wally West: **Ich bin gut. Du?

**Connor Kent: **That can mean "I'm good in bed," just so you know.

**Wally West: **That too

**Connor Kent:** You're going to fail.

**Wally West: **I know

* * *

**Connor Kent:** Is it stomache, tummy, or belly?

**Robin: **None. It's stummy

**Connor Kent: **Oh. Well, my stummy hurts. How do you cure a hurting stummy?

* * *

**Wally West: **Dude, what is with you taking the remote?

**Wally West: **Where'd you put it? Come on, didn't the aliens teach you how to share?

**Connor Kent:** But I don't want to share.

**Wally West: **You are literally a big baby.

**Wally West: **It isn't even an insult.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **ekat yawa sih doof

**Wally West: **A SCIENCE GENIUS

**Wally West: **AND YET I CANNOT MAKE MY OWN FOOD REAPPEAR

**Wally West: **WHAT IS THE USE OF SUPER POWERS

* * *

**Wally West: **Yo, Arty, how'd you like your arrows?

**Wally West: **wanna be my Valentine?

**Wally West: **haha just kidding I'd rather have Rob as my date than a harpy

**Wally West: **Art?

**Wally West:** Artemis?

**Artemis Crock:** Sorry, I lost my phone. I'll text you when I find it.

* * *

**Wally West: **Disappear one more time and I'm putting a leash around your neck.

**Robin:** dude, we're on a mission.Use your com.

**Robin: **or, you know, the mind link

**Wally West: **But there was a higher probability that you would check your phone and therefore feel obligated to respond in text rather than reply outloud.

**Robin: **yup, but you should still use your comm

**Robin: **or else Batsy'll kick your ass

**Wally West:** why wouldn't he kick YOURS?

**Robin: **because it's always you getting caught anyway. He's probably has his speech ready in the Batcave as we speak.

* * *

**Kaldur'ahm: **Please do not run away before I am finished giving orders.

**Wally West: **Why are you texting me? You should use the comm. Or your mind.

**Kaldur'ahm: **Robin said that this would be more effective.

**Kaldur'ahm:** I remain to have no reason in doubting him.

* * *

**Wally West: **Icecream trucks don't stand a chance against me. They will never pass me by on their routinely routes through the streets. I will conquer the icecream trucks. They will never taunt me again.

**Artemis Crock:** It feels more like you're convincing yourself rather than me.

**Wally West: **NEVER AGAIN WILL THEY TAUNT ME.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Okay, Rob, hide-and-seek ended an hour ago. Come out already.

**Artemis Crock: **Where ARE you? We've searched every part of the mountain.

**Robin:** I'm in the Batcave. But feel free to carry on, the cameras are entertaining.

* * *

_Thoughts? Favourites? Thanks for reading!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Artemis Crock: **Ugh.

**Robin: **S'up?

**Artemis Crock: **There's this really annoying freshman who keeps randomly butting into my conversations and 'trolling' me and my friends.

**Robin: **Sooo, me?

**Artemis Crock: **No, he's from school. His name's Dick.

* * *

**Wally West: **Did you know that 'dick' means fat in German?

**Robin: **So I look fat without my mask?

**Robin: **Thanks, bro

* * *

**Wally West: **I just got my head flushed in a toilet

**Kaldur'ahm: **That does sound like fun.

**Wally West: **…

**Wally West: **why can't my friends be normal?

**Wally West: **why can't I be normal?

* * *

**Barry Allen: **So, today my boss told me that I needed to get my report done quickly.

**Barry Allen: **I responded that it would take a while, because I had nothing to run off of.

**Barry Allen: **c;

**Iris West: **How many more decades is this going to go on for?

* * *

**Wally West: **If Kaldur ate fish, would that make him a cannibal?

**Artemis Crock: **Whatever Kaldur qualifies as, I'm pretty sure seafood isn't it.

* * *

**Robin: **I have no doubt anymore. You're obviously Pocahontas.

**Roy Harper: **If I'm Pocahontas because I shoot arrows, then the redhead living a double life is Ariel.

**Robin: **I like the way you think.

**Roy Harper: **Me too.

* * *

**Robin: **What would the world be like if there was a Wombatman?

**Artemis Crock: **My only hope is that he would have a sidekick named Robonobo.

* * *

**Wally West: **There are drunk terrorists outside of my window and they're being really loud and annoying. I can't sleep.

**Wally West: **...I meant tourists.

**Robin: **Considering what we do with our lives, there are probably drunk terrorists outside, too.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **M'gann just put in Twilight.

**Zatanna Zatara: **She actually likes it.

**Robin: **Still a better love story than 50 Shades of Grey.

* * *

**Wally West: **I JUST ASKED A GIRL TO HOMECOMING AND GOT REJECTED BECAUSE I MADE A JOKE ABOUT HOW I'M HOTTER THAN KID FLASH

**Wally West: **SHE SAID I'M TOO FULL OF MYSELF BECAUSE I'M NOWHERE NEAR AS HOT AS KID FLASH

**Artemis Crock: **I wish you could hear how hard I'm laughing.

* * *

**Dick Grayson: **This is really annoying.

**Wally West: **What is?

**Dick Grayson: **These bullies just tied me up and stuck me in an empty classroom. They're coming to check up on me later to make sure I don't get out.

**Dick Grayson: **In other words, I just untied myself to text you and now have to retie myself so that I can't leave.

**Wally West: **#FirstWorldProblems

* * *

**Robin: **I WOULD CATCH A GRENADE FOR YOOUU

**Wally West: **You already did.

**Robin: **well IF MY BODY WAS ON FIYA

**Wally West: **that girl is on FIIYAAAA

**Robin: **Stop ruining it.

* * *

**Wally West: **Why is everyone giving me so many gay jokes? I'm straight.

**Zatanna Zatara: **As a bendy ruler.

* * *

_Hey guys! So, I was going to put some other things here, but I replaced all those announcements with just this:_

_I'm glad that you guys like my fanfiction so much, but if you're going to go out and write fanfics similar, at least don't use my text messages...? I found a fic like that where most of the messages were mine but lightly reworded and replaced with OCs and it irked me more than a bit. I'm not blind. It'd really rather you didn't use my ideas. Thanks._


	9. Chapter 9

**Wally West: **Hey, mathlete, guess what?

**Dick Grayson: **YES, it's PI DAY and I'm a MATH GEEK. HA. HA. HA. HILARIOUS.

**Wally West: **I was expecting you to get teased at school for it, but not that much.

* * *

**Robin: **You have Flash boxers?

**Wally West: **What are you doing in my room?

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **I'm putting a leash on Robin if he keeps disappearing like that.

**Wally West: **Yeah, he can be a real dick.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **Hey, apparently, there was a sighting of Flash's streak this morning! Interrupted some important business meeting or another. Funny, because I was at work the entire time.

**Wally West: **Yeah, Flash is a pretty cool guy!

**Wally West: **Did you know that they sell his costume in Halloween stores?

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **I wish we had some missions during the day time. The nights are too dark to see where I'm casting my spells.

**Robin:** I agree. Dark Knights really suck.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **I'm not Wally. You don't need to attack me in revenge for his prank. Get out from behind the counter.

**Robin: **I guess you could call this a failed counter attack.

* * *

**Wally West: **So, the only thing I heard all day was how Kid Flash ran too fast into stop sign and got it bent over backwards. It was so funny, it was all over the news. But Kid Flash told me that never happened.

**Barry Allen: **Did you know that they sell his costume in Halloween stores?

* * *

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Did you eat?

**Robin: **Did you eat?

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Are you copying me?

**Robin: **Are you copying me?

**Alfred Pennyworth: **I won't recklessly run off at night.

**Robin: **Yeah, I ate already.

* * *

**Unknown: **u ready 2 party?!

**Wally West: **Who is this?

**Unknown: **oh srry wrong # bye

**Wally West: **...But I want to party.

* * *

**Robin: **Dude, this is how you be undercover at a gala. You wear a tuxedo.

**Wally West: **But I look like a penguin.

**Robin: **There's not much difference, considering I can kick both of your butts.

* * *

**Wally West: **What happens when a telepath gets drunk?

**M'gann M'orzz: **Nothing mentally stable.

* * *

**Wally West: **I'm going to start throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up.

**Robin: **I'm going to start throwing clocks at people who need to get with the times.

**Wally West: **I'm going to start throwing scissors at people who need to cut it out.

**Robin: **I'm going to start throwing handles at people who need to get a grip.

**Wally West: **I'm going to start throwing freezers at people who need to chill.

**Robin: **I'm going to start shooting arrows at people who won't shut up.

**Robin: **That was Artemis.

* * *

_A/N: It looks like I've missed some questions from the reviews of earlier chapters, so I'm just going to take a moment to quickly answer them:_

_Do you ship anyone with Robin? Answer: I don't. Not usually. I'm not a huge hetero shipper because I've never been in a straight relationship, so it feels kind of weird for me. The only person I can imagine shipping Dick with is Wally because I'm absolutely in love with their friendship, and since I already love their chemistry, taking it a step further and calling them a couple isn't too hard. When it comes down to Birdflash versus friendship, though, I'm going to go for friendship (which you can see from my other stories, everything I've written that doesn't have 'slash' in the description is just friendship - A.K.A everything I've written at this point)._

_Can you write some more angsty conversations? Answer: Not in this fanfiction. This is humour, after all. I just didn't want to put that little extra in chapter 7 into another full blown story. If you want some angst, I usually put my angsty stories under the drama genre, so go look at my profile for stories under drama._

_Other notes: I'm going to try and stay away from 'person A admits to person B that they like person C', sorry guys. Keep the suggestions going, though! Also, the reasons I might not be putting your suggestions up is because I might not understand it. If you guys could proofread your reviews, it would be really helpful…?_

_Credit: That last text conversation was altered from a Tumblr post my friend sent me. The rest is mine._

_And I am, once more, totally blanking on what to write. That's why the updates are getting slower and shorter._

_Thoughts? Reviews? Favourites? Thanks for reading!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Dick Grayson: **Happy 4th of July!

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Why is all of the tea in my bathtub?

**Dick Grayson: **Because you're British and the one thing that we don't own is a harbour.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **I'm not in the mood. I'm sick and have no voice.

**Wally West: **I guess you could say that I left you speechless.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **How you doing, man?

**Clark Kent: **Oh, I'm super, man.

* * *

**Unknown: **Hi.

**Wally West: **Who is this?

**Unknown: **Eve.

**Wally West: **Uh, hi, Eve.

**Unknown: **Hi, Wall-E.

**Wally West: **STOP MAKING FUN OF MY NAME, DICK.

**A-Really-Mean-Dick: **HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

* * *

**Barry Allen: **How come everyone has an iPhone but me?

**Oliver Queen: **Because Apple doesn't support Flash.

* * *

**Clark Kent: **How do you keep disappearing like that?

**Batman: **I'm Batman.

**Clark Kent: **And I'm Superman.

**Batman: **Really? I thought you were a bird or a plane.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **Did you do something to my texting app?

**Robin: **Why?

**Zatanna Zatara: **It keeps autocorrecting "nrut" and "edolpxe" into "t'nod yllautca od siht lleps".

**Robin: **Drastic times call for drastic measures.

* * *

**Wally West: **Halloween has gotten really weird. Everyone's dressed like Batman.

**Robin: **The city has been saved at last.

* * *

**Wally West: **Can you put duct tape over my teacher's mouth?

**Zatanna Zatara: **tup tcud epat revo sih s'rehcaet htuom

**Wally West: **Sweet!

* * *

**Wally West: **OW

**Artemis Crock: **What?

**Wally West: **Trip...thtairs...bhoke muh dose.

**Artemis Crock: **You can't stuff up over text.

**Wally West: **OH, DA HOOMANIDY

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Hey, can you teach me how to fight? Because I really suck and don't compare at all to hot men with super speed.

**Robin: **Sure! After all, you're standing over my shoulder reading this right now.

**Robin: **Start running, Wally.

* * *

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Connor Kent: **Go away.

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Connor Kent: **Leave.

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Connor Kent: **Shut up.

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Wally West: **Give me the remote.

**Connor Kent: **If you don't shut up, I will rip your head off of your neck and use it as a bowling ball to throw at monkeys.

**Wally West: **Jeez, who put kryptonite in your cereal?

* * *

**Wally West: **You think that swimming is a sport, right?

**Kaldur'ahm: **Yes.

**Wally West: **Exactly. That makes track a sport, too.

**Kaldur'ahm: **Not for you.

**Wally West: **Track is a sport for everyone but me? What's that supposed to mean?

**Kaldur'ahm: **You have super speed.

**Wally West: **AND YOU BREATHE UNDERWATER. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?

* * *

_[Credit to RascalJoy for the text where Wally falls down the stairs, though it was altered a bit.]_

_I'm just going to point out that I love the idea of Kaldur and Wally arguing over whether or not swimming and track are sports. Kaldur thinks track isn't a sport but swimming is, and vice versa with Wally. If only they went to school together. Shame._

_Favourite texts? Thoughts? Reviews? Thanks for reading!_


	11. Chapter 11

**Wally West: **Who's the best example to use when explaining what 'vigilante' means? There's too many to choose from.  
**Robin: **Me.  
**Wally West: **Yeah, except vigilante doesn't mean 'rich white boy'.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Seriously, if I had a superpower, I would want to be invisible so people could leave me alone. Imagine all the extra sleep I'd get.

**Robin: **I can relate.

* * *

**Connor Kent:** I'm going Halloween costume shopping with M'gann, and I don't know what to do.  
**Wally West: **Try checking out matching pirate costumes or something.  
**Wally West: **You're going to want a weird hat and eyepatch.  
**Connor Kent: **I think I found the eyepatch. [ ]  
**Wally West:** That's a thong.  
**Wally West: **Do NOT use that as an eyepatch.  
**Wally West: **You're going to get slapped.  
**Wally West: **I should know.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **Come on! You have to agree that we should watch the Hobbit tonight. I mean, who doesn't want to see cute little dwarves running around and getting into life threatening situations?  
**Kaldur'ahm:** I thought the Hobbit was just about an elderly Hobbit named... Bimbo Baggins? Bimbo Baggins, I believe.

* * *

**Kaldur'ahm:** I don't understand your school system. Could you explain?  
**Artemis Crock:** The freshmen are annoying. That's all you need to know.  
**Kaldur'ahm:** Ah. Freshmen, like... A man who is fresh?  
**Artemis Crock: **What?  
**Kaldur'ahm: **See, he is not old, he is a fresh man.

* * *

**Robin:** I just read your texts to Artemis, and no matter what she said afterwards, you're right. Freshmen are young, badass men who are fresh. Trust me on this.  
**Kaldur'ahm: **Oh, alright.  
**Kaldur'ahm: **Your school is... Strange.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **What's wrong with Robin?  
**Wally West: **Run. He's on a sugar high.  
**Zatanna Zatara:** Why's that so bad?  
**Wally West:** It's worse than the time he was actually high. This time it's not an accident.

* * *

**Unknown: **Okay, so I dumped the body outside of Happy Harbor. What now, boss?  
**Wally West: **Who is this? What body?  
**Wally West: **HEY. ANSWER ME.  
**Unknown: **You FINALLY left. Dude, why do you have so much cake in your room?  
**Unknown: **You know you could get on Hoarders, right?  
**Wally West: **LET ME IN MY ROOM, DICK.  
**Unknown:** Probably "America's Most Gullible", too.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Why did Robin lock you out of your room?  
**Wally West: **I was investigating a murder.  
**Artemis Crock:** Oh, cool.

* * *

**Lex Luthor: **Wow, what a beautiful day, today!  
**Lex Luthor: **Would you like to come to dinner with me?  
**Lex Luthor: **I know this great Italian restaurant in Metropolis.  
**Lex Luthor: **Maybe I can get my butt handed to me by Superman while we're at it, too.  
**Lex Luthor: **Will you marry me?  
**Slade Wilson:** No.

**Lex Luthor:** Buuurn. That ship totally sank.

* * *

**Lex Luthor:** I think wearing underwear over spandex is kinda hot.  
**Sportsmaster: **...Oh. That explains a lot.

* * *

**Lex Luthor:** I may be a bear, but you're all the honey that I need.  
**Queen Bee: **Bees hate bears.

* * *

**Lex Luthor:** _[Sending Message To: All]_ Please ignore all former messages. I'm disposing of this phone now. I just got hacked.

* * *

**Robin: **Lex Luthor totally just got hacked.  
**Clark Kent:** Good work. I think.

* * *

_Believe it or not, the 'rich white boy' (from my friend who actually thought vigilante meant rich white orphan), 'invisiblility', 'eyepatch' (that being from me, sadly, but it did really look like an eyepatch), 'Bimbo Baggins' (again, a real question from that same friend), and 'Freshmen' (from my adorably foreign father) texts all actually happened. The rest were based off of reviews and/or made up._

_I'm going to be in Armenia until the end of the summer, so I wanted to put this out before I left! I'm so sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth - my laptop went and broke down on me, and I only just got a new one._

_Thoughts? Reviews? Favourites? Thanks for reading!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Robin: **I'm not your sidekick, but everyone still thinks that I am. Maybe it's the costume.

**Batman: **If you're thinking about giving up the costume, I'm keeping it.

**Robin: **I made it.

**Batman: **I came up with the idea.

**Robin: **No, you came up with the idea to dress me up in green scaly underwear.

**Robin: **I can work many things. Green scaly underwear is not one of them.

* * *

**Wally West: **If Richard Grayson is Dick Grayson, what would you call Richard Rider?

**Dick Grayson: **And that's why my name isn't Richard Rider.

* * *

**Bruce Wayne: **Why is there an unattended child here?

**Dick Grayson: **…

**Bruce Wayne: **He should have his parents. Where are his parents?

**Dick Grayson: **Bruce.

**Bruce Wayne: **I don't think he has parents.

**Dick Grayson: **No.

**Bruce Wayne: **Someone should adopt him. Someone with money.

**Dick Grayson: **Stop.

**Bruce Wayne: **Like me.

* * *

**Robin: **Donald Trump is a crazy, megalomaniac billionaire who hates immigrants, is running for president, and has bad hair.

**Robin: **Reminds me of a guy we know.

**Artemis Crock: **Guess we found out Lex Luthor's secret identity.

* * *

**Wally West: **I don't think you're a terrorist, but you're the bomb.

**Robin: **Thanks.

* * *

**Robin: **You look good with your hair down.

**Artemis Crock: **WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

* * *

**M'gann M'orzz: **Oh! This is awful!

**Connor Kent: **What is?

**M'gann M'orzz: **The men who run this country! They don't like aliens! Especially not illegal aliens! It's not our fault that they don't have any intergalactic immigration policies! They want to send us back to where we came from! This is horrible! I can't go back to Mars, and you literally cannot go back to Krypton!

**Connor Kent: **I'm not from Krypton.

**M'gann M'orzz: **Oh no, oh no, oh no, that's right! Where will you go? Where will they take you? We can't let them win the election!

**Connor Kent: **But how are we going to stop them?

**M'gann M'orzz: **There are people standing outside yelling. Let's try that!

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **So, I guess M'gann and SB are democrats.

**Robin: **Why do you say that?

**Zatanna Zatara: **They're standing outside of the White house protesting the Republican Party.

**Zatanna Zatara: **SB's now officially holding up a sign that says, "Don't send me back to a destroyed planet! I can't fly!" in M'gann's handwriting.

**Robin: **Oh my god. They probably took the alien thing literally. The Republicans mean aliens from other COUNTRIES, not other PLANETS. This is GOLD.

**Zatanna Zatara:** I'm going to tell them.

**Robin:** Don't you dare. I want to protest.

* * *

**Wally West: **Since when were you into politics?

**Robin:** Since Lex Luthor's secret identity wanted to send Superboy to Krypton.

**Wally West:** Fair enough.

* * *

**Wally West:** Wait, if you want to say baby fat in German, is it "baby dick", because dick means fat?

**Connor Kent:** …What is wrong with you?

**Wally West: **What? It was just something, y'know, I was thinking about.

* * *

**Kaldur'ahm:** Is the first rule of being Batman's partner disappearing without a word?

**Robin: **Actually, that's rule number three. Comes right after personal tragedy and boxer briefs.

* * *

**Batman:** Did you complete the mind scan of all of the team?

**Martian Manhunter: **Almost. Everyone is normal. I'm scanning Kid Flash now.

**Martian Manhunter: **Done.

**Batman: **Was there anything wrong?

**Martian Manhunter: **There was a lot wrong.

**Martian Manhunter:** Nothing health damaging and he's probably functional to participate in the team, but there was definitely something wrong.

* * *

_A/N: Hey, guys! I'm back in the states, and I couldn't be happier about it. It's so nice to speak English again._

_One these texts were taken from something a person has said in my classroom (funny thing is he looks exactly like Wally, from the hair style/colour, to eye colour, to freckles, to height, to hobby in track, etc), one is a quote from the latest Nightwing comics, and one is based off of a tumblr post. Other than that, the rest are mine._

_I really wonder when I'm going to stop with these. Will it ever end? I'm starting to doubt it._

_Thoughts? Favourites? Reviews? I hope you enjoyed!_


	13. Chapter 13

_Hey, guys! Just a heads up, but yes, I'm JustWhelmed. I changed my name to ComicRoute._

* * *

**Robin: **Wally just asked me for pointers on how to get girls to like him. What do girls like?

**Artemis Crock: **Well, girls usually like guys who can make them smile.

**Robin: **Did you give this same advice to the Joker, by any chance?

* * *

**Wally West: **Are those my goldfish?

**Wally West: **Why are my goldfish in your room?

**Kaldur'ahm:** You said that you did not want them and were only experimenting on them for science.

**Wally West: **Woah, okay, first of all I was not experimenting ON them, I was experimenting WITH them. Second of all, I've been looking for them for like, a year!

**Kaldur'ahm:** ...Alright. But you do sound like a 'mad' genetic scientist.

**Wally West: **No! I'm not the bad guy! Gah why didn't you just tell me you were taking them?

**Kaldur'ahm:** I was afraid you would eat them.

**Wally West: **DUDE. SERIOUSLY, I'M NOT AN EVIL SCIENTIST.

* * *

**Wally West:** Actually, Kaldur kind of had a point earlier. I am a mad genius.

**Artemis Crock:** Sure.

**Wally West: **Get it?

**Wally West: **Like, maaad genius?

**Wally West:** Because I've got maaad skill?

**Wally West:** In my brain?

**Artemis Crock:** Just leave the puns for Robin.

* * *

**Connor Kent:** I don't understand. There is a website called Twitter that Zatanna showed me, and we looked for your name, and now all I see are comments about how 'smoking hot' you are.

**Robin: **Well, they sure aren't wrong.

**Connor Kent:** No, that isn't what I don't understand. I don't understand how they think you're attractive when they don't know what you look like.

**Robin: **But you understand that I'm attractive?

**Connor Kent: **I don't know what you look like.

**Robin:** I swear I'm attractive.

**Connor Kent: **I have no idea.

**Robin: **I am.

**Connor Kent:** But you have a large ego, so you aren't a reliable source

**Robin:** …

**Connor Kent: **That's why when people say that I'm attractive, it makes more sense than when they say that you're attractive. They actually know that I'm attractive because they can see it for themselves.

* * *

**Wally West: **Stole Rob's phone. You should check out these texts from Supey.

**Zatanna Zatara:** He got burned so bad I can feel it.

**Wally West:** I mean, Supey totally has a point, though. He's like a few months old and already has a girlfriend.

* * *

**Wally West:** Does Batman hate the Wizard of Oz?

**Robin: **Uh, I don't think so. Why?

**Wally West: **Well… Y'know..

**Wally West:** The Scarecrow and all…

**Robin: **But that Scarecrow doesn't have a brain. Our Scarecrow does, and that's the whole problem.

* * *

**Robin:** So, I may have to deal with a homicidal, psychopathic, sadistic, manic clown, but you're having trouble with an Australian guy called Captain Boomerang.

**Wally West:** Shut up.

**Robin: **I mean, you might as well call him Overlord Kangaroo.

* * *

_Notes: _

_CONNOR IS NOT BEING A JERK. He is genuinely confused and simply stating the facts._

_Also, for the story's sake, lets pretend that the Flash show in this universe came up with different names for Flash and Kid Flash, because they don't know their identities._

_Thoughts? Comments? Suggestions? Favourites? Thanks for reading!_

_(Shameless self-advertising: For my reviewers who like angsty and/or dramatic fanfiction, go check out my story Point Of View! It's a little slow at the beginning, but trust me, it does speed up. I've been working on it when I haven't been working on this.)_


	14. Chapter 14

**Kaldur'ahm:** Do not worry about the mission. What does not kill you simply makes you stronger.

**Wally West: **I blew myself up with a chemistry set when I was like, 11, dude. I know all about that.

* * *

**Batman: **Did you throw the Wii remote into space?

**Clark Kent: **It slipped! At least I didn't break the TV.

**Batman: **That's why the strap is there. And you could have broken a satellite.

**Clark Kent: **Well, you don't have to pay for a satellite.

**Batman: **I'm not paying for anything. You're paying for Robin's new Wii remote, and you're going to be the one to tell him that his is halfway to the moon.

**Clark Kent: **THAT'S A DEATH WISH.

**Batman:** He isn't going to kill you.

**Clark Kent: **NO, HE'LL GET HIS REVENGE THROUGH A PRANK. THAT'S WORSE. THAT'S CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT.

**Batman:** Is Superman afraid of a 13 year old kid?

**Clark Kent:** BATMAN.

* * *

**Wally West: **Dick John Gayson, get back here and give me popcorn.

**Wally West: ***Grayson

**Wally West:** ...Gayson. HA. GAY-SON. No wonder your name is Dick.

**Dick Grayson:** You can get your own popcorn now.

* * *

**Batman: **Please stop screaming.

**Dinah Lance:** I'm not. I'm singing, and for your information, I sound like an angel.

* * *

**Barry Allen: **Hey, you're Iris' brother in the show! We're gonna be bros!

**Wally West:** EW. I DON'T ACTUALLY LOOK AS OLD AS YOU, RIGHT?

**Wally West:** I ADDED THE "KID" FOR A REASON.

* * *

**Batman: **The Batjet went down. I could use some airsupport.

**Batman:** Since I can't fly.

**Batman: **At all.

**Batman: **Now would be good.

**Clark Kent:** Actually asking for help out loud wouldn't kill you, you know. Why would you text while literally falling to your death?

**Batman:** No texting and flying.

**Clark Kent: **Seriously, I'm carrying you. Stop texting me.

**Batman: **Pay attention to the skies. You'll crash into a bird again.

* * *

**Dick Grayson: **Al's making me do chores.

**Wally West: **Okay.

**Dick Grayson: **You'd do them faster and then we could hang out sooner.

**Wally West: **No way, man. I'm not going to be your maid, I don't get paid enough for that.

**Dick Grayson: **$500

**Wally West: **...Fine. As long as I don't have to wear a dress.

**Dick Grayson:** $700?

**Wally West:** I'm not wearing a maid dress.

**Dick Grayson:** $1000

**Wally West: **Dammit.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Hey, clean the cave already.

**Wally West: **Why would I do that?

**Artemis Crock:** [image]

* * *

**Wally West:** OH MY GOD.

**Dick Grayson: **Duude, I told her to only use that for emergencies!

**Wally West:** YOU'RE DEAD.

**Dick Grayson: **You did this to yourself.

* * *

**Roy Harper:** Why are you sweeping?

**Wally West:** Because I'm being BLACKMAILED and I can't SUE ANY OF THEM because BATMAN PROBABLY BOUGHT THE COURT SYSTEM.

**Roy Harper: **Oh. Well, my apartment could use some work. I haven't cleaned it in months. Vigilante work takes a lot out of you, y'know.

**Wally West:** Yeah, I know. Because I AM ONE.

**Roy Harper: **Really? I thought you were a housekeeper.

* * *

_Just a shout-out that I'm still taking suggestions!_

_Thoughts? Comments? Favourites? Thanks for waiting and I hope you guys got a good laugh!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Wally West: **Wanna come over after training?

**Robin: **Sleepover?

**Wally West: **Duh. Might want to stop by the cave and grab some clothes, though. I don't know if I still have anything pre-puberty.

* * *

**Batman: **We need to talk.

**Robin: **Yeah?

**Batman:** About girls.

**Robin:** ...Yeah?

**Batman:** You're getting to that age where you're more interested in girls.

**Robin:** This better not be what I think it is.

**Batman:** It is.

**Robin:** Oh my god, no.

**Robin:** Please, Batman. Spare me.

**Robin: **Have mercy.

**Batman: **We need to talk about it eventually.

**Robin: **I'm blocking you.

* * *

**Robin: **DUDE, that was hilarious!

**Artemis Crock: **What was?

**Robin:** Weren't you paying attention?

**Robin:** And turn your ringer down, the guy behind you is getting mad.

**Robin:** Arty?

**Robin:** Stop turning around, you aren't going to find me and you look crazy.

**Artemis Crock: **YOU FOLLOWED ME TO THE MOVIES?

**Robin:** I didn't, actually. We just happen to be in the same place at the same time. Love living in Gotham, amiright?

**Robin:** Man, that fight sequence was lame.

**Robin: **Hey, where are you going?

**Robin:** Wrong row, I'm not there.

**Robin:** Ha, nice. Try not to knock over somebody's popcorn next time.

**Artemis Crock: **Where are you?!

**Robin: **WOAH DID YOU SEE THAT.

**Artemis Crock: **ROBIN.

* * *

**Roy Harper:** That was an accident.

**Artemis Crock:** REALLY? MY BURNT HAIR DOESN'T THINK SO.

**Roy Harper:** Gee, I was trying to be nice, but yeah I'm definitely lying.

**Roy Harper: **Have fun with a wig.

* * *

**Wally West:** How do you escape from detention?

**M'gann M'orzz:** Ask nicely!

**Wally West: **What if they still don't let you out?

**M'gann M'orzz:** Gently hover them over the door and leave anyway.

* * *

**Wally West: **How do you escape from detention?

**Kaldur'ahm:** Summon dolphins to your aid.

**Wally West:** What if there isn't any water for the dolphins?

**Kaldur'ahm: **Electrocute them, depending on why you're trying to escape.

**Wally West:** ...That escalated very quickly.

* * *

**Wally West: **How do you escape from detention?

**Connor Kent:** Break down the wall.

**Wally West: **That...might be slightly difficult.

* * *

**Wally West: **How do you escape from detention?

**Roy Harper:** Use your electric arrow to short circuit the main power grid and jump out of the window.

**Wally West:** Right. Super helpful. Thanks a lot.

**Roy Harper:** Any time.

* * *

**Wally West: **How do you escape from detention?

**Artemis Crock:** I've never gotten a detention.

**Wally West:** Well, how would you escape from prison?

**Artemis Crock: **Taser the guards.

**Wally West:** I can't taser my teacher.

**Artemis Crock:** You can try.

* * *

**Wally West: **How do you escape from detention?

**Robin:** Oh, easy. You'll need a holocomp, somebody to hack into the firewall, a rope, and...Here, let me grab my list.

**Wally West: **Woah, slow down tiger. Why is everyone going so extreme? I'm trying to escape from DETENTION, not SOVIET RUSSIA.

**Robin:** Coulda fooled me.

* * *

**Dinah Lance:** Your mission report is very thorough. You seem to know a lot on Luthor's international relations. Where did you learn all of that?

**Wally West:** Wikipedia.

* * *

**Wally West:** Eminem isn't a bad singer, y'know.

**M'gann M'orzz: **I like skittles.

**Wally West:** No, I mean the rapper.

**M'gann M'orzz:** ... I know you like to eat, but the wrapper? That's kind of gross, Wally.

**Wally West:** ...Nevermind.

* * *

**Robin: **No one has a sense of humour anymore. It's like they're all robots.

**Robin:** No offense.

**Red Tornado:** None taken. I agree.

* * *

_I forgot how surprisingly time consuming it was to type one of these chapters up!_

_Thoughts? Favourites? Reviews? Thanks for reading!_


	16. Chapter 16

**Robin: **You doing okay?

**Wally West:** Huh?

**Robin:** The cookies in the kitchen have been there for an hour and you haven't eaten them.

**Wally West:** ...Oh. Uh. Yeah, I like...just ate.

**Robin:** They taste that bad?

**Wally West: **NO

**Wally West:** yes

**Wally West: **Man, I don't want to hurt Megalicious' feelings though!

**Robin:** True, except Megan didn't make those. Art did.

**Wally West: **REALLY?

**Wally West: **THANK GOD I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW

* * *

**Wally West: **You know, I bet she put poison in those cookies, the evil harpy.

**Robin: **Not poison. Laxative. But same idea.

**Wally West: **...And you weren't going to tell me?

**Robin:** Nope.

* * *

**Artemis Crock: **Go take a shower. You stink.

**Wally West: **You're just overwhelmed by my manly scent.

**Artemis Crock: **If all men smelled like you, I'd be a lesbian.

* * *

**Robin: **KF. I CAN SMELL YOU FROM HERE.

**Wally West:** GOOD

**Robin: **If you don't take a shower, I'm bringing out the hose.

* * *

**Connor Kent: **Kid Flash. I have super strength smelling, and it's not fun on the best of days. Please just leave.

**Wally West:** Just because you have superpowers doesn't mean I smell that bad to the rest of the world!

* * *

**Wally West: **Everyone is just a bunch of bullies. MY SWEAT IS NOT THAT HORRIBLE.

**Robin: **Sweat?

**Wally West: **YEAH. EVERYONE KEEPS COMPLAINING ABOUT MY SMELL.

**Wally West:** I'M AN ATHLETE, I'M GONNA SWEAT, BUT IT'S NOT GONNA SMELL THAT BAD.

**Robin: **Who said anything about sweat?

**Robin: **Dude, it's your AXE. Go put on Old Spice or something. AXE smells awful.

* * *

**Wally West: **So, how about Black Canary? I'd say a...3?

**Robin:** Yeah, probably, but then again RT's a robot and we already said he's a 3, so like?

**Wally West:** You're right. Maybe RT should be a 4 or 5.

**Robin: **Depends on what he can do. We still don't totally know.

**Wally West: **Ooo, a mystery. Speaking of mystery, Batman is totally a 10.

**Robin: **Nah, I'd say more like a 5.

**Wally West:** ...Dude. Flash is a 5. Batman and Flash are not the same rank.

**Robin: **Yeah right. Flash is 0.

**Wally West:** You're underestimating the sexiness of phasing through solids, time travel, supersonic booms and lightning strikes, man.

* * *

**Zatanna Zatara: **WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

**Wally West: **Woah, what? What'd I do this time?

**Zatanna Zatara: **YOU DISGUSTING PIG, YOU AND ROBIN BOTH

**Zatanna Zatara:** RATING THE LEAGUE MEMBERS ON HOTNESS?

**Zatanna Zatara: **JUST LIKE ANY OTHER REPULSIVE TEENAGE BOY

**Zatanna Zatara: **I THOUGHT SUPERHEROES WERE BETTER THAN THAT

* * *

**Wally West:** HELP HELP ZEE IS MISUNDERSTANDING AND SHE'S GONNA KILL ME

**Robin:** What?

**Wally West: **SHE READ OUR TEXTS AND SHE THINKS OUR RANKING SYSTEM IS BASED ON SEXINESS OF THE LEAGUE MEMBERS?

**Wally West:** HOW DO I TELL HER IT'S RANK OF SCARINESS?

**Wally West: **I don't want to seem like a coward!

**Wally West:** I mean, it's totally wrong, too!

**Wally West:** Batman is obviously a 10 because he's SCARY. I DO NOT HAVE THE HOTS FOR BATMAN.

* * *

**Robin:** [screenshot] So...all misunderstandings cleared, right?

**Zatanna Zatara:** Oh.

**Zatanna Zatara:** In that case, my dad is totally a 10. I mean, he's Dr. Fate Of The Universe and all.

* * *

**Alfred Pennyworth:** Master Dick, would you like chicken tonight?

**Dick Grayson: **That depends. A live one or dinner?

**Alfred Pennyworth: **Dinner.

**Dick Grayson:** Aw man. No thanks, then.

* * *

**Barry Allen:** What's going on at the cave? Wally's not answering.

**Artemis Crock:** He's busy being terrorised.

**Barry Allen:** By what?

**Artemis Crock: **Me.

**Barry Allen:** Oh. Well, make sure to tell him he still has homework tonight. Have fun!

**Artemis Crock: **Thanks, Mr. Allen. Goodnight.

* * *

**Wally West: **So, just hear me out.

**Kaldur'ahm:** I am listening.

**Wally West: **Say, there is a GIGANTIC plate of pasta. Like, Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs doesn't even cover it.

**Wally West: **It's big enough to cover Happy Harbour.

**Wally West:** Since it's so big, we can't just throw it into the ocean or anything, that would pollute it too much, you feel me?

**Kaldur'ahm:** Yes. Humans polluting the oceans with their waste is immoral and harmful.

**Wally West: **Exactly. So, the only way to get rid of it would be….to eat it.

**Wally West: **And to do that, I would need a gigantic fork.

**Wally West:** And you know who has a gigantic fork?

**Wally West: **Aquaman.

**Wally West: **In other words, I have a gigantic plate of pasta and I really want to try eating it with a trident so please please please ask Aquaman if I can borrow his big fork for like two seconds.

**Kaldur'ahm:** I...am afraid I don't have that authority. Perhaps you should...ask him yourself?

* * *

**Wally West: **Can I ask a favour?

**Aquaman:** I know what favour it is, and no.

**Wally West: **Wait, what? How?

**Aquaman: **Barry asked it already. I am unable to give it to you.

**Wally West: **Why not?

**Aquaman: **I already gave it to Barry.

* * *

**Wally West: **ARE YOU EATING MY PASTA WITH THE BIG FORK OF NEPTUNE?

**Barry Allen:** ….noooo

**Wally West: **YOU TRAITOR

* * *

_Thank you so much for reading, and make sure to let me know what your favourites were! Have a great day!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Wally West:** You guys take too much pride in your fish half. Aquaman? And then he named his protege Aqualad? What's next, Aquababy?

**Kaldur'ahm:** …

**Wally West:** What? It's not like Aquaman seriously named his kid Aquababy.

**Kaldur'ahm:** ….

**Wally West:** ...Right?

**Kaldur'ahm:** It is not my place to question my king.

* * *

**Wally West:** Okay, seriously. You're like, 13. You haven't hit puberty yet. It's illegal for you to have that much muscle.

**Robin: **Fortunately, Obama can't ban these guns.

* * *

**Wally West:** Dude, first Rob, now you? If the everyone is just gonna keep making up personal missions to send the team on and say they're from Batman, I say we go grocery shopping next.

**Kaldur'ahm: **This is a true assignment. Do your task.

**Wally West:** Bats would make us do a lot of things, but cleaning up the beach isn't one of them.

**Kaldur'ahm:** How is it not a true assignment, if I put us on it and I am the team leader?

**Wally West:** …

**Kaldur'ahm:** You're the fastest and can get the job done quicker. This is important work for the survival of all races. Marine life does not deserve to unjustly suffer. All of Atlantis will be in your debt.

**Wally West:** ...I'm poking trash bags with sticks, Kal.

**Kaldur'ahm:** I will be in your debt.

**Wally West:** I don't know, man. I'm gonna have a wicked sunburn after this.

**Kaldur'ahm:** Nachos for a week?

**Kaldur'ahm:** I see that the beach is almost entirely clean.

**Wally West: **Duh! Pollution sucks. This is totally unjust for the fish and stuff. What are you standing around for, making me do all the work? Come on!

* * *

**Kaldur'ahm:** M'gann, I wanted to congratulate you on the dinner you've served. It tastes wonderful. What is it?

**M'gann M'orzz:** Just some salmon I picked up at the Happy Harbour market! C: It took a while to smoke, and I nearly set some on fire the first time, though I don't really know how, but Google had some good recipes!

**M'gann M'orzz:** Kaldur?! Oh no! Are you okay? You've been in the bathroom for some time now… Was it the dinner? Google said to be aware of food poisoning!

**M'gann M'orzz:** I don't know what kind of food poisoning you can get from _fish _though…

**M'gann M'orzz: **Wait. Oh…

**M'gann M'orzz:** Oh god.

**M'gann M'orzz:** Ahh! One second! I'm so sorry! I'll be back with some medicine! They sell those are the pharmacy, right? Like...Walgreens? Right? Oh no, oh no, oh no!

* * *

**Robin: **Heard the love of your life chose another guy. Mind offering KF some advice? He's going to experience the same thing eventually.

**Robin:** Can you also tell him to stop hitting me?

**Kaldur'ahm: **For once in my life, I can agree with him in saying that you deserve it.

* * *

**Wally West: **You have an arrow that's a boxing glove?!

**Roy Harper:** Sometimes, you just want to punch someone in the face from far away.

**Roy Harper:** It's how I normally feel about you.

* * *

**Wally West:** OW. I get it, you're practically invincible, but it usually hurts when you get TOASTERS THROWN AT YOU.

**Connor Kent:** Then it looks like you're toast.

**Wally West:** Wow. That was...that was bad. And really weird. Don't do that again. Please.

* * *

_Sweet! Finally got some more Aqualad in here! Though, I admit, it was probably because I just rewatched both YJ and all the Teen Titans episodes having to do with Garth. I couldn't remember if Kaldur'ahm had telepathy like Garth, though, for the fish excerpt, but either way it's pretty traumatising to eat something that is essentially half of you._

_Very hard to come up with original stuff, but hopefully I'm not being totally disappointing._

_Thanks so much for sticking around! Favourites?_


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